Tomorrow

Is the first day of school. Though at year three I'm not as nervous, I still get a little nervous in front of the kids. I want them to like me, I want to like them. I want them to listen to me, respect me, and I want to do the same for them. I don't know what it is yet that makes those special teachers special. I know for me, I most remember the ones who were knowledgeable, kind, and funny. I hope to be the same!

*Updated* Lies I Want To Be True...

1. Buying clothes a size bigger will make me look smaller.

2. He asked for my number because he likes me, not because he was being nice.

*3. I adapt to change well.*

*4. I know exactly what I am doing.*

Nada...

Did you ever write out a whole blog post and then decide it's crap? I think I do this about three times per blog post..or however you would say that. I had a recent run in with a lizard in my apartment, and my friend told me that I should write a story about a girl who is afraid of lizards and what not...so I did. I wrote a blog post about my lizard story. Crap. It was crap. Not that this is much better. I guess I just keep waiting on my story. I don't know what it will be yet, but I want so desperately to find it and begin on it. Sometimes I think the story could be me. But what's exciting about a single mid-twenties girl who has a fairly uneventful social life and zero romantic life?? Not much, I would think. So I'll keep posting and eventually, hopefully, I will find my story. And then, I will get published!! And then, I will have book signings in wonderful places like New York and London!! And I'll get to stay in fancy hotels and order ridiculously overpriced room service!! And then I'll finally have the money to buy that yacht I always wanted! And there I'll be on my yacht in the Mediterranean waving to Beyonce and Jay Z in the yacht next door...ahh...the life!!

...I'm SUCH a dreamer!

Taking It Back to the Old School

I think it's funny that I still have the following school girl gossip conversations with friends (paraphrased, of course):

Me: So did she say anything about me?
Friend: No, just that you were nice...
Me: Yeah, right. Did you say anything about him?
Friend: Just that I knew him, I asked if he was still in town.
Me: Did she mention anything about me and him, like say that I was the one who was hopelessly flirting with him last time?
Friend: False.
Me: Or that I was an idiot to think he'd like me back?
Friend: False.
Me: So basically you're telling me that you didn't find any good information out?
Friend: Um, yeah.
Me: Thanks...

Of course the funniest part of this is that it IS a bit like middle school. And if I remember right, middle school wasn't exactly my finest moment. I definitely had one particular crush who TO THIS DAY I have not lived down. Though I was over him by high school, people ALWAYS liked to bring him up to me...

Sample conversation in high school 11th grade math class (which he was in):
Boy: Hey remember in 8th grade when you liked _____?
Me: (face turning red) Uh, yeah, thanks.

Even now it still gets brought up...and I'm not sure why that is...

Is it because while on yearbook staff I wrote "Hannah loves _____" on one of the pages in our school yearbook that was PUBLISHED and handed out to the ENTIRE school?
Maybe.

Is it because I continually professed my "love" for him through written letters and poetry?
It's possible.

Or is it because that particular year completely screwed me up and I haven't acted the same around boys since, which might be a good thing (see "poetry" mention above)?
Could be, could be.

Well, look at the bright side...at least now, MANY years later, I can laugh at myself, I have funny stories to tell my kids (should I ever get married and have any), and I can thank the Lord above that I did not end up with him (surprised to hear that, I'm sure).

Though sometimes (ok, ALL the time) I do wish the Lord would have stopped me before that yearbook note got published...and maybe before the poetry...yes...yes, definitely before the poetry....

Changes

Funny thing, change. Sometimes it happens so subtly, you don't even notice. Like the way I subtly gained twenty pounds since I graduated high school, or how the tone of my skin has ever so slowly gotten a smidgen darker each time I step into the sun. Then there are other kinds of change. The ones that happen so quickly, you don't have much time to react. Like the birth of a child, in one day your life has changed forever. Or a car accident that totals your car. In a split second, everything changed. Now you need a new car, your plans for that little bit of savings you had have gone completely out the window.

But I think the kind of change I dislike the most, is the one that happens slowly before your eyes, but you can't do anything to stop it. Like how you begin to hang out with a friend less and less, until you aren't really friends anymore. Or how you are slowly worked out of the loop because you don't exactly fit in with the group anymore. Your career is different maybe, or you aren't in a serious relationship the way they are. That's the kind of change I don't really like.

I only am writing this because I am anticipating a lot of change in the next year. It's funny how lately it seems my life works in groupings of two to three years. And then, transition. For example, I went to a junior college to dance for two years. So for two years, I knew exactly what I was doing, I had it all down to an art. Then came time to transition to a university. As I worked to complete the next three years of college (yeah, I took the Victory Lap), I knew more or less what each year held. My schedule was similar, I was involved in an organization, I danced, I just was in a great routine.

Then came graduation...after graduation I hit a year of limbo. I didn't have a full time job and I wondered if I would ever get one. I had planned to live out my dream job, but had to settle for what I could get. Finally, after a year of transition, I got a full time job. I'm now going into my third year there. But somehow this year feels like a transitional year. I feel like there are big changes coming. I know they will come in one of the three ways. Some will happen slowly without my knowledge, some will happen swiftly...in the blink of an eye, and then there will be those that I can see happening right in front of me, but can't seem to stop.

It's an interesting thing...change...here's hoping it's all for the better!

More...

So you may not know, but this blog really originated with one that I began back in 2005, back in the days when I was young and carefree (sigh). Since I don't really feel like copying and pasting, here is the address to my old blog. You too can read and reminisce about the good old days. The days when I probably had a little more creativity and humor in my life...

http://texhannah.blog.com

Note that the address is extremely similar to this one, yet different...

She's Got Skills...

While I have always professed my ineptness in the art of flirting and such, I recently had the chance to show my good friend exactly how terrible I am at the whole thing. We were out shopping, just looking around when we walked into a very nice jewelry store. I was dreaming of diamonds and they were having a sale, so I thought I'd take a look. As I gazed longingly at the scintillating diamond earrings, the salesman walked up. Only he was a younger guy, obviously near our age, tall, darker hair, and eager to please it seemed.

He showed off a few of the earrings to me, going for his sale, but clearly attempting to flirt with us. He asked where we went to school, assuming we were still in school. I think he was somewhat surprised to learn that we had already graduated and had full time jobs. The earrings, alas, were not in my price range, so I sighed a goodbye to them and went about browsing other items in the store.
"You can just get your boyfriend to buy them for you," he said.
And with that one remark, my friend said, "She doesn't have one, we're looking though!"

Oh. my. gosh. Are you kidding me?!? I can't believe she just told him that. I tried to pretend I was looking away at some fabulous jewels as my face flushed red. I kind of wanted to crawl into a hole, just a bit. I wasn't sure what to say and with each question he had to start a conversation, I just had one word answers to reply. I wasn't exactly interested in this guy, so maybe that's why I couldn't flirt back. But also, I just didn't have anything to say. I couldn't think of any questions, there wasn't anything there!

When we left the store, my friend looked at me like I was crazy. "Hannah! He was totally hitting on you! Why didn't you flirt back?!" Um. Yeah. So here it is.

Dear Friends,
I have absolutely NO skill in the art of flirting. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not lying (I wish I was). And I'm not kidding. While I try to pass it off as endearing, I realize that in actuality it's not endearing, it's just. plain. sad.

Thanks,
Hannah