On Sadness and Joy

"For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.  And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies." Romans 8:22-23

I promised some friends on Sunday night that I would blog on Monday.  As you can see, I'm a few days late...and for good reason.  Monday I got a text from my Dad that my grandma was in her last hours.

I, along with the rest of my family that lives in the DFW area, headed straight to her side.  My dad read scripture to her, us girls sang some old hymns out of the hymnal she had on the bookshelf.   Throughout the day, constant memories of her flooded my head: sleepovers at her house, the blackberry bush in the backyard, the music room, watching movies together, the way she played the piano by ear, and she played it well too. Very early Tuesday morning, my grandmother passed away peacefully. I wanted to write an eloquent post about my grandma and how wonderful she was, but there are too many thoughts swimming in my head right now to focus enough to do her justice.  All you really need to know about her is that she loved the Lord and she loved her family.

I cannot fully describe all of the emotions felt throughout the past few days.  It's as if the vines of sadness and joy have grown and entwined themselves tightly around my heart.  I will miss my grandma terribly, but in reality, I started missing her prior to her physical death.  The sadness of losing her, however, is overcome by the joy of knowing that she is free of this world.

My grandma is with Jesus. Face to face.  I cannot even fathom.  My heart yearns for it, my heart longs to see Jesus in ALL his glory.  Even my grandest imaginings seem meager for the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. 

And so I wait, eagerly.

"One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord..."
Psalm 27:4 
 

Me and my Grandma this past Christmas.