So yesterday I wrote about my pastor, Matt Chandler, who was undergoing brain surgery. Late last night (or really-early this morning) we got word that the surgery went well and he was responding well. This doesn't mean that the prayers stop, but it's still more evidence of God's hand in all of this.
So thank you for those who prayed and I hope that the prayers will continue!! Pray for the pathology results, which won't come until next week! Pray for a speedy and full recovery! Pray just to thank God! How great is our God?
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Some Rambling Thoughts about Lately....
This past month has been a weird, ridiculous ride of emotion for me. This post is long and going to probably ramble a lot. I don’t know if it all makes sense, it’s just a way for me to (sort of) summarize what my mind and my heart have been going through recently. I don’t know why—or I guess, I don’t know why this is all happening now? I started the beginning of November in a bit of a funk, a little mini-depression about being alone, being single (what’s new, right?). For the first couple weeks it was constantly on my mind, wondering why I haven’t found anyone yet, what was wrong with me, anger that it wasn’t me but that it was everyone around me. I felt it all. This came to a head on November 18, when my homegroup and I met up at our church’s new building for an open house. Afterwards, we all went to Chick-fil-A. One by one each girl told about their relationships, from planning weddings, to meeting family, to second dates, to talking on the phone. As they spoke, I kept keeping a tally in my head, “Well, it’s not just me alone, there’s still ____ and ____ ”…which changed to, “Well, there’s still _____.” And as the last girl told about her recent date, I sat there in the booth, ready and willing to break down into tears. Everyone but me, I thought, of course. I literally cried out to God that night before bed, just crying…Lord please stop me from feeling this way!!! If I’m never going to be married, please take this desire from my heart! I was so frustrated and angry and sad and hurt. It felt like a bit of a relief to cry to God, to speak to him openly and honestly. I don’t think I’ve done it enough. And low and behold, it opened the floodgates for me…
Since then, or really, even a little before that night, I’ve just been so emotional. And this past week was no different. On Thanksgiving, the pastor of my church, Matt Chandler, had a seizure. They discovered the cause of this seizure was a “mass” on his brain. You see, the timing was conveniently weird. That weekend our church was holding its last services in our old building before moving to the new one. As a result of this happening, he was obviously not there that weekend. As we held services in that building for the last time, we did not know what was ahead for our pastor. And I found that I had to check my heart. Why did I love this place? Did I love this place because of one man (that one man being Matt Chandler, not Jesus Christ)? Did I love this place because of the way the building was “worn-in”? Why was I here? Did I show up each Sunday to hear funny analogies about biblical truths? Or did I show up to hear biblical truths? Did I show up because I wanted to hear God’s word as told by Matt Chandler? Or did I show up because I wanted to hear God’s word?
As I thought a lot about this, I thought of what I really loved about my church. I love that there IS truth spoken, regardless of who speaks it…Matt, Josh, Bleecker, Charissa through our Little Village…whoever. I love that my church leadership values prayer. I’ll always remember the first time I showed up to greet for a service. Here we are just ready to hand out bulletins and hold a door, not a big deal. And yet, how did we begin our service? We began in prayer—prayer to our God that those who enter this building would know him. That’s what I loved. I love the constant push to glorify God. I love that the focus is Jesus Christ. Romans 11:36- “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
So today, as our pastor undergoes brain surgery, I am left to check my heart again. My pastor “tweeted” this morning before he went in for surgery, “Jesus you are my great reward...your Kingdom come your will be done.” And in reading that, to be honest, I got terrified. I was terrified because I knew that there was nothing that we could do. I immediately began to think, Sure we could start a Facebook group with over 30,000 members who are praying for Matt. Sure we could “send one up” to Jesus on his behalf, we could fast, we could pray, we could hope…but if the Lord wants him, he’ll take him and there’s nothing we can do about it.
And in that thought I was stopped by the Lord. Why should I be terrified? What if the Lord called him home today or tomorrow or the next, do I think that Matt would get to heaven and say, “Man, Jesus, you mind if I go back? I mean heaven is great and all, yeah the streets of gold are nice…but I have a wife, I have kids…” NO! And in the same way, if the Lord wants to heal him completely and give Matt Chandler and his family 40 years at The Village, he will. So, I confess that my trust in the Lord has wavered. I confess that my prayers to the Lord have been selfish. I have had a really hard time praying, “Your will be done”, cause what if His will isn’t what I want to happen? And the thought came to me, “release.” To me, being able to honestly, even perhaps reluctantly pray, “Lord, your will be done” is like a great release. It’s release of pride, selfishness, silly ideas of how much power I have, even sillier ideas of how I have it all under control, a release of ME and a turning to the LORD, where my heart should be anyway. Maybe this is how he uses this situation with my pastor to work on me…no, I think this IS how he uses this situation to work on me, at least one of the ways...
As we wait for word on our pastor, I pray Lord and confess my selfishness and look to you for your will to be done and for you to give me peace. Isaiah 26:3, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you."
It has been my privilege to pray for my pastor over the course of this week and to give him over to the Lord. So far, through this all, the Lord has shown me His GOODNESS and His MIGHT. It certainly kept me in continuous conversations with the Lord…how wonderful to talk with Him and be in His presence and in His care? How wonderful to worship a God who is GOOD? Thank you Lord for being ALL.
Romans 11:36- “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
Since then, or really, even a little before that night, I’ve just been so emotional. And this past week was no different. On Thanksgiving, the pastor of my church, Matt Chandler, had a seizure. They discovered the cause of this seizure was a “mass” on his brain. You see, the timing was conveniently weird. That weekend our church was holding its last services in our old building before moving to the new one. As a result of this happening, he was obviously not there that weekend. As we held services in that building for the last time, we did not know what was ahead for our pastor. And I found that I had to check my heart. Why did I love this place? Did I love this place because of one man (that one man being Matt Chandler, not Jesus Christ)? Did I love this place because of the way the building was “worn-in”? Why was I here? Did I show up each Sunday to hear funny analogies about biblical truths? Or did I show up to hear biblical truths? Did I show up because I wanted to hear God’s word as told by Matt Chandler? Or did I show up because I wanted to hear God’s word?
As I thought a lot about this, I thought of what I really loved about my church. I love that there IS truth spoken, regardless of who speaks it…Matt, Josh, Bleecker, Charissa through our Little Village…whoever. I love that my church leadership values prayer. I’ll always remember the first time I showed up to greet for a service. Here we are just ready to hand out bulletins and hold a door, not a big deal. And yet, how did we begin our service? We began in prayer—prayer to our God that those who enter this building would know him. That’s what I loved. I love the constant push to glorify God. I love that the focus is Jesus Christ. Romans 11:36- “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
So today, as our pastor undergoes brain surgery, I am left to check my heart again. My pastor “tweeted” this morning before he went in for surgery, “Jesus you are my great reward...your Kingdom come your will be done.” And in reading that, to be honest, I got terrified. I was terrified because I knew that there was nothing that we could do. I immediately began to think, Sure we could start a Facebook group with over 30,000 members who are praying for Matt. Sure we could “send one up” to Jesus on his behalf, we could fast, we could pray, we could hope…but if the Lord wants him, he’ll take him and there’s nothing we can do about it.
And in that thought I was stopped by the Lord. Why should I be terrified? What if the Lord called him home today or tomorrow or the next, do I think that Matt would get to heaven and say, “Man, Jesus, you mind if I go back? I mean heaven is great and all, yeah the streets of gold are nice…but I have a wife, I have kids…” NO! And in the same way, if the Lord wants to heal him completely and give Matt Chandler and his family 40 years at The Village, he will. So, I confess that my trust in the Lord has wavered. I confess that my prayers to the Lord have been selfish. I have had a really hard time praying, “Your will be done”, cause what if His will isn’t what I want to happen? And the thought came to me, “release.” To me, being able to honestly, even perhaps reluctantly pray, “Lord, your will be done” is like a great release. It’s release of pride, selfishness, silly ideas of how much power I have, even sillier ideas of how I have it all under control, a release of ME and a turning to the LORD, where my heart should be anyway. Maybe this is how he uses this situation with my pastor to work on me…no, I think this IS how he uses this situation to work on me, at least one of the ways...
As we wait for word on our pastor, I pray Lord and confess my selfishness and look to you for your will to be done and for you to give me peace. Isaiah 26:3, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you."
It has been my privilege to pray for my pastor over the course of this week and to give him over to the Lord. So far, through this all, the Lord has shown me His GOODNESS and His MIGHT. It certainly kept me in continuous conversations with the Lord…how wonderful to talk with Him and be in His presence and in His care? How wonderful to worship a God who is GOOD? Thank you Lord for being ALL.
Romans 11:36- “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
Monday, November 30, 2009
My List...
In the spirit of Thanksgiving (alright, alright, I'm a week behind), I have decided to come up with a *few* things I am grateful for...so here it goes:
1. My Parents- who have been married for 40 years (!)-how often does that happen these days?? I am so grateful to have them as examples, not only in marriage, but in life, for they are Christ followers themselves and they are the ones who initially led me towards Christ.
2. My Sisters/Brother/In-Laws- I would say in my childhood there was a bit of a disconnect with me and my older sister, Beth, which is only to be expected, I mean she is 11 years older than me!! But I'm happy to say that in my adult years, I have felt closer and closer to her and her family, including her husband, Derek. I admire her for her creativity, her faith, and her diligence. I watch how they are with their kids and am grateful for more Christ-like examples. My brother, John, has always been special to me. Maybe cause he's my only brother, maybe because we shared a room all those years, but I love him very much...even if he does live so far away! And I love his wife Karen, she is this amazing woman of God. She is an example in grace, mercy, and beauty and I am so thankful to have such a wonderful woman in our family! My sister Sarah is closest to me in age. Growing up we got to share a lot of special things together (Go Fillies!) and I treasure those memories. She was always the one I immediately looked up to, she was intelligent, witty, and I always envied her ability to talk to anyone. I am grateful that she has Jon, who is equally as witty! He is also giving and caring towards Sarah and I'm so glad she found him!
3. Niece/Nephews-it wasn't until 13 years ago when Grace was born that I ever felt like I wanted kids or, for that matter, even liked kids. In addition to Grace, I now have Grant, Matt, Andrew, and Mack. I love these kids SO much, I can't even imagine what it must be like to have your own!
4. Friends- I definitely have too many here to mention by name. Just know how grateful I am for those I've known since elementary, middle, high school, since TJC, since A&M, since The Village...I am so grateful for your friendships!! And I am so lucky to have such strong women around me who love the Lord. It feels so nice to be able to talk to my friends about Jesus, knowing that they serve the same God I do!
I love you all very much, and am thankful that many of you have wonderful husbands who don't mind hanging out with an odd number (me, you, your hubby-shout out to Jesse Bellington who takes the cake on that one!)
5. My church, The Village-I love this place. I've been going for about two years, and pretty much enjoyed it from the beginning. But I think as I've gotten plugged in, found a homegroup, served in Little Village, I've really grown to LOVE this church. I love that when we are getting ready to greet and hold doors open for people we begin in prayer. I love that in the nursery rooms with babies we have specific verses to pray over them. I love that our leadership seeks the Lord and realizes the importance of prayer. This past week has been trying for my church, we are moving, our pastor is having health issues, but when I went to church on Sunday, it wasn't about all of that. It was about Christ...it all was/is about Christ...the focus was not lost in all of the things that were and are happening around us. We still don't know what is going on with our pastor, but we pray...and as we pray we know this: Christ is all!!!
6. My job- I am grateful that I even have a job to begin with...that someone pays me to teach dance!! How lucky am I? And I even get to wear sweatpants to work everyday!! I am grateful and HOPEFUL that somewhere in the 100+ kids I have, I will make some kind of positive difference on one of them. It's the kind of job that doesn't always see immediate results, especially in areas of influence, but I hope for it. I hope for the kids I see everyday. I hope that they will know Jesus, I hope that they will be successful in school, I hope that they will gain knowledge and wisdom. And I love that the Lord shows me that my life is not defined by my job, and yet, he still allows me to have a great one and enjoy myself while doing it!
7. CHRIST- The Lord is GOOD!!! He is growing me, shaping me, molding me. It may be a slow going, but it's going. I am thankful because he lavished his grace and mercy on me and continues to do so today. I am thankful because his Son took my place. I am thankful for his love...for he is LOVE!
1. My Parents- who have been married for 40 years (!)-how often does that happen these days?? I am so grateful to have them as examples, not only in marriage, but in life, for they are Christ followers themselves and they are the ones who initially led me towards Christ.
2. My Sisters/Brother/In-Laws- I would say in my childhood there was a bit of a disconnect with me and my older sister, Beth, which is only to be expected, I mean she is 11 years older than me!! But I'm happy to say that in my adult years, I have felt closer and closer to her and her family, including her husband, Derek. I admire her for her creativity, her faith, and her diligence. I watch how they are with their kids and am grateful for more Christ-like examples. My brother, John, has always been special to me. Maybe cause he's my only brother, maybe because we shared a room all those years, but I love him very much...even if he does live so far away! And I love his wife Karen, she is this amazing woman of God. She is an example in grace, mercy, and beauty and I am so thankful to have such a wonderful woman in our family! My sister Sarah is closest to me in age. Growing up we got to share a lot of special things together (Go Fillies!) and I treasure those memories. She was always the one I immediately looked up to, she was intelligent, witty, and I always envied her ability to talk to anyone. I am grateful that she has Jon, who is equally as witty! He is also giving and caring towards Sarah and I'm so glad she found him!
3. Niece/Nephews-it wasn't until 13 years ago when Grace was born that I ever felt like I wanted kids or, for that matter, even liked kids. In addition to Grace, I now have Grant, Matt, Andrew, and Mack. I love these kids SO much, I can't even imagine what it must be like to have your own!
4. Friends- I definitely have too many here to mention by name. Just know how grateful I am for those I've known since elementary, middle, high school, since TJC, since A&M, since The Village...I am so grateful for your friendships!! And I am so lucky to have such strong women around me who love the Lord. It feels so nice to be able to talk to my friends about Jesus, knowing that they serve the same God I do!
I love you all very much, and am thankful that many of you have wonderful husbands who don't mind hanging out with an odd number (me, you, your hubby-shout out to Jesse Bellington who takes the cake on that one!)
5. My church, The Village-I love this place. I've been going for about two years, and pretty much enjoyed it from the beginning. But I think as I've gotten plugged in, found a homegroup, served in Little Village, I've really grown to LOVE this church. I love that when we are getting ready to greet and hold doors open for people we begin in prayer. I love that in the nursery rooms with babies we have specific verses to pray over them. I love that our leadership seeks the Lord and realizes the importance of prayer. This past week has been trying for my church, we are moving, our pastor is having health issues, but when I went to church on Sunday, it wasn't about all of that. It was about Christ...it all was/is about Christ...the focus was not lost in all of the things that were and are happening around us. We still don't know what is going on with our pastor, but we pray...and as we pray we know this: Christ is all!!!
6. My job- I am grateful that I even have a job to begin with...that someone pays me to teach dance!! How lucky am I? And I even get to wear sweatpants to work everyday!! I am grateful and HOPEFUL that somewhere in the 100+ kids I have, I will make some kind of positive difference on one of them. It's the kind of job that doesn't always see immediate results, especially in areas of influence, but I hope for it. I hope for the kids I see everyday. I hope that they will know Jesus, I hope that they will be successful in school, I hope that they will gain knowledge and wisdom. And I love that the Lord shows me that my life is not defined by my job, and yet, he still allows me to have a great one and enjoy myself while doing it!
7. CHRIST- The Lord is GOOD!!! He is growing me, shaping me, molding me. It may be a slow going, but it's going. I am thankful because he lavished his grace and mercy on me and continues to do so today. I am thankful because his Son took my place. I am thankful for his love...for he is LOVE!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
What I've been up to...
I haven't really written much lately. I've been so busy with school, football season (still in playoffs!), and church stuff. Our church is moving into a new place next weekend so there's been a lot of preparation and such leading up to this move. It's weird because I've only been at this church for about two years, but something about walking into the place feels like home. It's because of this, and other reasons, that the move has kind of turned bittersweet. It all seems silly because after all, it's just a building. But I think it's more about the things that happened in that building, the life change, the friendships, serving together...all of it. In the words of Monica Gellar, "It's the end of an era!"
So the seasons change and so do we. We move next weekend. And soon enough the new place will feel like home.
And perhaps soon I will have some free time to write more, cause I definitely feel like I need to write. In the meantime, here's a bit of what I've been up to...
Football Games:
A Wedding:
Thanksgiving Day/A&M vs. UT football with Mack:
Christmas Decorations are up!:
So the seasons change and so do we. We move next weekend. And soon enough the new place will feel like home.
And perhaps soon I will have some free time to write more, cause I definitely feel like I need to write. In the meantime, here's a bit of what I've been up to...
Football Games:
A Wedding:
Thanksgiving Day/A&M vs. UT football with Mack:
Christmas Decorations are up!:
Monday, November 9, 2009
Missing...
I like to travel...a lot. And I've been lucky to do a little bit of traveling. I find now that when things get hectic, either in good or bad ways, I tend to miss the places I've traveled to most, London and New York.
I think I'm missing New York mostly because of the holidays. I'm so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas, you have no idea. It almost feels like it isn't real because they've come up so fast. And there's something about New York during the holidays...the crowds, the lights, the window displays, everything! I just love it! It truly feels magical!!
As for London...I just love London. I built it up in my head so much as a young teen, I was worried the first time I went that it wouldn't live up to my expectations. But it did. Everything was just as I had imagined. I can't really pinpoint why I love London so much, but I do. I hope to return soon...
I think I'm missing New York mostly because of the holidays. I'm so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas, you have no idea. It almost feels like it isn't real because they've come up so fast. And there's something about New York during the holidays...the crowds, the lights, the window displays, everything! I just love it! It truly feels magical!!
As for London...I just love London. I built it up in my head so much as a young teen, I was worried the first time I went that it wouldn't live up to my expectations. But it did. Everything was just as I had imagined. I can't really pinpoint why I love London so much, but I do. I hope to return soon...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday Night Lights
So I haven't written in a while, mostly because I've just been so crazy busy with football season in full swing...and now on to playoffs.
I think those of us who spend our Friday nights at football games kind of all belong to a special club of our own because it takes a lot to do what we do. We spend countless hours at the schools with our kids, sometimes we see them more than we see our own families. And why? Because we love our activity, be it football,cheerleading, or drill team. We just love it. I think that's why I love Friday nights at the football games because we are all there, excited, doing what we do best.
So here's to my fellow friends who spend their Fridays under the lights...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Goodbye Old Friend
So for about a year now my parents and I have all been using aol.com for our email. They've been wanting to get rid of it for a long time, but because I have been using it as well, we would all have to change together. This past week, my AOL email got hacked into and someone sent some poor strangers various emails from my account advertising everything from the acai berry to prescription drugs. So...after many years, I think about eight, I am getting rid of my old email/screenname at AOL.
When I picked my screenname, I wanted something interesting and distinct. After a lot of though, I chose "Dreaminpink09". I chose "Dreaminpink" because you could read it two ways, "Dreamin' pink" or "Dream in pink". To me, it kind of played on the idea of seeing things through rose colored glasses. It's just seeing things in a positive light, keeping a positive outlook regardless of what might be going on around me.
I don't know that I told anyone that that's where I came up with that name...no reason why not really. And why did I choose "09"? For some reason 9 is my favorite number and I liked "09" better than just a "9" on the end. So now you know where "Dreaminpink09" came from...
It is a sad farewell to say goodbye to a screenname and email that I've had for so long. Everyone knows that email address...everyone knows I'm "Dreaminpink". I'm actually kind of sad to get rid of it. That sounds silly, but it had a whimsical, fun quality about it. My initials with my last name are not whimsical, fun, or cute, they're practical, they're adult...I guess so am I?
When I picked my screenname, I wanted something interesting and distinct. After a lot of though, I chose "Dreaminpink09". I chose "Dreaminpink" because you could read it two ways, "Dreamin' pink" or "Dream in pink". To me, it kind of played on the idea of seeing things through rose colored glasses. It's just seeing things in a positive light, keeping a positive outlook regardless of what might be going on around me.
I don't know that I told anyone that that's where I came up with that name...no reason why not really. And why did I choose "09"? For some reason 9 is my favorite number and I liked "09" better than just a "9" on the end. So now you know where "Dreaminpink09" came from...
It is a sad farewell to say goodbye to a screenname and email that I've had for so long. Everyone knows that email address...everyone knows I'm "Dreaminpink". I'm actually kind of sad to get rid of it. That sounds silly, but it had a whimsical, fun quality about it. My initials with my last name are not whimsical, fun, or cute, they're practical, they're adult...I guess so am I?
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