Ode to a Scarf

Oh sweet sassy scarf, I be lovin' you so!
You capture my heart when I walk in the sto'
My closet overflows, but you know I still need ya'.
If it weren't for you, then I'd be like a freeza'.

You wrap me up and be keepin' me warm
Sweater or scarf, some be torn...
but not me, yo, I'm a believa'
Scarf all the way, just call me "scarf diva".

Soap Opera Acting- A Lesson

Here is said blogpost on the art of soap opera acting. And for all you "Friends" lovers out there, I did not steal any of my material from Joey Tribbiani.


1. Furrowed eyebrows. This is a skill some were not lucky enough to be born with. They try to furrow their eyebrows and instead come across looking surprised (!) or confused (?). In case you were wondering, I was one of the lucky few born with that extra muscle that allows me to furrow my eyebrow juuuust right. I would say the person best at the furrowed eyebrow is Drake Hogestyn who plays John Black on DOOL (Days of Our Lives for you non-soap watching people!). He is the master of the eyebrow raise. You never know what to do with this look, it throws the other person completely off-guard. Are they surprised at you? Are they angry? You just can't tell...


2. Intense stare. This requires one to have either a supply of Visine on hand OR excessive moisture in eyeball because when attempting an intense stare it is KEY that you NOT blink! You cannot break the stare with something so weak as a bat of the eye (that's an entirely different skill anyway!). So I bring you the Queen of Daytime TV...Susan Lucci. Notice how her eyebrows are lifted so that you can focus on her perfectly peeled eyes. There is no escaping her stare!

3. Whispered Dialogue. Well I think it's a well known fact that in soap operas there are only two volumes...yells and whispers. Regular conversation volume is virtually non-existent in the world of soap operas. Instead, to intensify the situations at hand, each word is spoken with the delicate hum of a whispering wind. This skill begs two questions: 1. Do the actors really talk that way at home? and 2. What kind of breath mints do they use?

I officially declare...

I officially declare "November...AKA Month of Roller Coaster Emotion" over!!!

It's been a fun month, November, but alas, it is time to say goodbye. You brought me tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of pain, tears while watching "The Biggest Loser" (Abby's story-anyone?), tears while watching "SYTYCD" (I just get it!), tears while watching a cat food commercial (ok, maybe that's an exaggeration), tears while watching football (this is not), tears while eating Chick-fil-A (you saw my earlier post)...

As you can see, there were a lot of tears.

So I declare you over, you month of ridiculous tears (ok, some were warranted)! I cannot proceed further into December when I am crying at the silliest things, like snow on cold day! After all, December is the month of sweet baby Jesus' birth, kids finding out there's no Santa, and the giving of presents...(much like the three wise men gave Jesus presents!). December is already an emotionally charged month as it is, I do not need to continue on this path of the destruction of my solid, emotionally deficient wall that I have built up for so many years! I took precious time and effort building this wall of immunity up and I will not see you tear it down in one swipe, November!

Alright, I must admit, you did create come cracks in the mortar...you had some "breakthroughs" if you will. But my wall of imagined security will not come completely down so easily, oh you nonsensical November!

So I raise my glass to you and bid you farewell, oh month of feelings! My emotionally retarded self hopes to never see you again!
(Or maybe, if you could just spread out the feelings a little more in my life so I don't look like a crazed lunatic while I am crying and driving at the same time while listening to Kissmas Wish and what not, that'd be great!)

And yes, I'm crying while I write this...JUST KIDDING!!! :)

Praise the Lord!!

So yesterday I wrote about my pastor, Matt Chandler, who was undergoing brain surgery. Late last night (or really-early this morning) we got word that the surgery went well and he was responding well. This doesn't mean that the prayers stop, but it's still more evidence of God's hand in all of this.

So thank you for those who prayed and I hope that the prayers will continue!! Pray for the pathology results, which won't come until next week! Pray for a speedy and full recovery! Pray just to thank God! How great is our God?

Some Rambling Thoughts about Lately....

This past month has been a weird, ridiculous ride of emotion for me. This post is long and going to probably ramble a lot. I don’t know if it all makes sense, it’s just a way for me to (sort of) summarize what my mind and my heart have been going through recently. I don’t know why—or I guess, I don’t know why this is all happening now? I started the beginning of November in a bit of a funk, a little mini-depression about being alone, being single (what’s new, right?). For the first couple weeks it was constantly on my mind, wondering why I haven’t found anyone yet, what was wrong with me, anger that it wasn’t me but that it was everyone around me. I felt it all. This came to a head on November 18, when my homegroup and I met up at our church’s new building for an open house. Afterwards, we all went to Chick-fil-A. One by one each girl told about their relationships, from planning weddings, to meeting family, to second dates, to talking on the phone. As they spoke, I kept keeping a tally in my head, “Well, it’s not just me alone, there’s still ____ and ____ ”…which changed to, “Well, there’s still _____.” And as the last girl told about her recent date, I sat there in the booth, ready and willing to break down into tears. Everyone but me, I thought, of course. I literally cried out to God that night before bed, just crying…Lord please stop me from feeling this way!!! If I’m never going to be married, please take this desire from my heart! I was so frustrated and angry and sad and hurt. It felt like a bit of a relief to cry to God, to speak to him openly and honestly. I don’t think I’ve done it enough. And low and behold, it opened the floodgates for me…

Since then, or really, even a little before that night, I’ve just been so emotional. And this past week was no different. On Thanksgiving, the pastor of my church, Matt Chandler, had a seizure. They discovered the cause of this seizure was a “mass” on his brain. You see, the timing was conveniently weird. That weekend our church was holding its last services in our old building before moving to the new one. As a result of this happening, he was obviously not there that weekend. As we held services in that building for the last time, we did not know what was ahead for our pastor. And I found that I had to check my heart. Why did I love this place? Did I love this place because of one man (that one man being Matt Chandler, not Jesus Christ)? Did I love this place because of the way the building was “worn-in”? Why was I here? Did I show up each Sunday to hear funny analogies about biblical truths? Or did I show up to hear biblical truths? Did I show up because I wanted to hear God’s word as told by Matt Chandler? Or did I show up because I wanted to hear God’s word?

As I thought a lot about this, I thought of what I really loved about my church. I love that there IS truth spoken, regardless of who speaks it…Matt, Josh, Bleecker, Charissa through our Little Village…whoever. I love that my church leadership values prayer. I’ll always remember the first time I showed up to greet for a service. Here we are just ready to hand out bulletins and hold a door, not a big deal. And yet, how did we begin our service? We began in prayer—prayer to our God that those who enter this building would know him. That’s what I loved. I love the constant push to glorify God. I love that the focus is Jesus Christ. Romans 11:36- “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
So today, as our pastor undergoes brain surgery, I am left to check my heart again. My pastor “tweeted” this morning before he went in for surgery, “Jesus you are my great reward...your Kingdom come your will be done.” And in reading that, to be honest, I got terrified. I was terrified because I knew that there was nothing that we could do. I immediately began to think, Sure we could start a Facebook group with over 30,000 members who are praying for Matt. Sure we could “send one up” to Jesus on his behalf, we could fast, we could pray, we could hope…but if the Lord wants him, he’ll take him and there’s nothing we can do about it.

And in that thought I was stopped by the Lord. Why should I be terrified? What if the Lord called him home today or tomorrow or the next, do I think that Matt would get to heaven and say, “Man, Jesus, you mind if I go back? I mean heaven is great and all, yeah the streets of gold are nice…but I have a wife, I have kids…” NO! And in the same way, if the Lord wants to heal him completely and give Matt Chandler and his family 40 years at The Village, he will. So, I confess that my trust in the Lord has wavered. I confess that my prayers to the Lord have been selfish. I have had a really hard time praying, “Your will be done”, cause what if His will isn’t what I want to happen? And the thought came to me, “release.” To me, being able to honestly, even perhaps reluctantly pray, “Lord, your will be done” is like a great release. It’s release of pride, selfishness, silly ideas of how much power I have, even sillier ideas of how I have it all under control, a release of ME and a turning to the LORD, where my heart should be anyway. Maybe this is how he uses this situation with my pastor to work on me…no, I think this IS how he uses this situation to work on me, at least one of the ways...

As we wait for word on our pastor, I pray Lord and confess my selfishness and look to you for your will to be done and for you to give me peace. Isaiah 26:3, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you."

It has been my privilege to pray for my pastor over the course of this week and to give him over to the Lord. So far, through this all, the Lord has shown me His GOODNESS and His MIGHT. It certainly kept me in continuous conversations with the Lord…how wonderful to talk with Him and be in His presence and in His care? How wonderful to worship a God who is GOOD? Thank you Lord for being ALL.

Romans 11:36- “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”

My List...

In the spirit of Thanksgiving (alright, alright, I'm a week behind), I have decided to come up with a *few* things I am grateful for...so here it goes:

1. My Parents- who have been married for 40 years (!)-how often does that happen these days?? I am so grateful to have them as examples, not only in marriage, but in life, for they are Christ followers themselves and they are the ones who initially led me towards Christ.

2. My Sisters/Brother/In-Laws- I would say in my childhood there was a bit of a disconnect with me and my older sister, Beth, which is only to be expected, I mean she is 11 years older than me!! But I'm happy to say that in my adult years, I have felt closer and closer to her and her family, including her husband, Derek. I admire her for her creativity, her faith, and her diligence. I watch how they are with their kids and am grateful for more Christ-like examples. My brother, John, has always been special to me. Maybe cause he's my only brother, maybe because we shared a room all those years, but I love him very much...even if he does live so far away! And I love his wife Karen, she is this amazing woman of God. She is an example in grace, mercy, and beauty and I am so thankful to have such a wonderful woman in our family! My sister Sarah is closest to me in age. Growing up we got to share a lot of special things together (Go Fillies!) and I treasure those memories. She was always the one I immediately looked up to, she was intelligent, witty, and I always envied her ability to talk to anyone. I am grateful that she has Jon, who is equally as witty! He is also giving and caring towards Sarah and I'm so glad she found him!

3. Niece/Nephews-it wasn't until 13 years ago when Grace was born that I ever felt like I wanted kids or, for that matter, even liked kids. In addition to Grace, I now have Grant, Matt, Andrew, and Mack. I love these kids SO much, I can't even imagine what it must be like to have your own!

4. Friends- I definitely have too many here to mention by name. Just know how grateful I am for those I've known since elementary, middle, high school, since TJC, since A&M, since The Village...I am so grateful for your friendships!! And I am so lucky to have such strong women around me who love the Lord. It feels so nice to be able to talk to my friends about Jesus, knowing that they serve the same God I do!
I love you all very much, and am thankful that many of you have wonderful husbands who don't mind hanging out with an odd number (me, you, your hubby-shout out to Jesse Bellington who takes the cake on that one!)

5. My church, The Village-I love this place. I've been going for about two years, and pretty much enjoyed it from the beginning. But I think as I've gotten plugged in, found a homegroup, served in Little Village, I've really grown to LOVE this church. I love that when we are getting ready to greet and hold doors open for people we begin in prayer. I love that in the nursery rooms with babies we have specific verses to pray over them. I love that our leadership seeks the Lord and realizes the importance of prayer. This past week has been trying for my church, we are moving, our pastor is having health issues, but when I went to church on Sunday, it wasn't about all of that. It was about Christ...it all was/is about Christ...the focus was not lost in all of the things that were and are happening around us. We still don't know what is going on with our pastor, but we pray...and as we pray we know this: Christ is all!!!

6. My job- I am grateful that I even have a job to begin with...that someone pays me to teach dance!! How lucky am I? And I even get to wear sweatpants to work everyday!! I am grateful and HOPEFUL that somewhere in the 100+ kids I have, I will make some kind of positive difference on one of them. It's the kind of job that doesn't always see immediate results, especially in areas of influence, but I hope for it. I hope for the kids I see everyday. I hope that they will know Jesus, I hope that they will be successful in school, I hope that they will gain knowledge and wisdom. And I love that the Lord shows me that my life is not defined by my job, and yet, he still allows me to have a great one and enjoy myself while doing it!

7. CHRIST- The Lord is GOOD!!! He is growing me, shaping me, molding me. It may be a slow going, but it's going. I am thankful because he lavished his grace and mercy on me and continues to do so today. I am thankful because his Son took my place. I am thankful for his love...for he is LOVE!

What I've been up to...

I haven't really written much lately. I've been so busy with school, football season (still in playoffs!), and church stuff. Our church is moving into a new place next weekend so there's been a lot of preparation and such leading up to this move. It's weird because I've only been at this church for about two years, but something about walking into the place feels like home. It's because of this, and other reasons, that the move has kind of turned bittersweet. It all seems silly because after all, it's just a building. But I think it's more about the things that happened in that building, the life change, the friendships, serving together...all of it. In the words of Monica Gellar, "It's the end of an era!"

So the seasons change and so do we. We move next weekend. And soon enough the new place will feel like home.

And perhaps soon I will have some free time to write more, cause I definitely feel like I need to write. In the meantime, here's a bit of what I've been up to...

Football Games:


A Wedding:


Thanksgiving Day/A&M vs. UT football with Mack:


Christmas Decorations are up!:

Missing...

I like to travel...a lot. And I've been lucky to do a little bit of traveling. I find now that when things get hectic, either in good or bad ways, I tend to miss the places I've traveled to most, London and New York.

I think I'm missing New York mostly because of the holidays. I'm so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas, you have no idea. It almost feels like it isn't real because they've come up so fast. And there's something about New York during the holidays...the crowds, the lights, the window displays, everything! I just love it! It truly feels magical!!



As for London...I just love London. I built it up in my head so much as a young teen, I was worried the first time I went that it wouldn't live up to my expectations. But it did. Everything was just as I had imagined. I can't really pinpoint why I love London so much, but I do. I hope to return soon...

Friday Night Lights

So I haven't written in a while, mostly because I've just been so crazy busy with football season in full swing...and now on to playoffs.

I think those of us who spend our Friday nights at football games kind of all belong to a special club of our own because it takes a lot to do what we do. We spend countless hours at the schools with our kids, sometimes we see them more than we see our own families. And why? Because we love our activity, be it football,cheerleading, or drill team. We just love it. I think that's why I love Friday nights at the football games because we are all there, excited, doing what we do best.

So here's to my fellow friends who spend their Fridays under the lights...

Goodbye Old Friend

So for about a year now my parents and I have all been using aol.com for our email. They've been wanting to get rid of it for a long time, but because I have been using it as well, we would all have to change together. This past week, my AOL email got hacked into and someone sent some poor strangers various emails from my account advertising everything from the acai berry to prescription drugs. So...after many years, I think about eight, I am getting rid of my old email/screenname at AOL.

When I picked my screenname, I wanted something interesting and distinct. After a lot of though, I chose "Dreaminpink09". I chose "Dreaminpink" because you could read it two ways, "Dreamin' pink" or "Dream in pink". To me, it kind of played on the idea of seeing things through rose colored glasses. It's just seeing things in a positive light, keeping a positive outlook regardless of what might be going on around me.

I don't know that I told anyone that that's where I came up with that name...no reason why not really. And why did I choose "09"? For some reason 9 is my favorite number and I liked "09" better than just a "9" on the end. So now you know where "Dreaminpink09" came from...

It is a sad farewell to say goodbye to a screenname and email that I've had for so long. Everyone knows that email address...everyone knows I'm "Dreaminpink". I'm actually kind of sad to get rid of it. That sounds silly, but it had a whimsical, fun quality about it. My initials with my last name are not whimsical, fun, or cute, they're practical, they're adult...I guess so am I?

What a week...

This week was SO busy!!!

Here's was my schedule:
Monday-School, meeting after
Tuesday-School, Addressing invites after
Wednesday-School, Homegroup after
Thursday-AM practice, pep rally, junior clinic, and game
Friday-School, Dinner and game night after

So come Saturday, I'm beat!! However, we still had a morning fundraiser and I had a bridal shower to go to.
I wake up and show up at the pancake fundraiser late...supposed to be there at 6:45...didn't get there til 7am. Following the fundraiser I head home to change approximately seven times for a bridal shower (more on that later). Off to the bridal shower. Following the bridal shower I head immediately to church and after church my friend says, "Want to come over and hang out with us?"

Hmm...yes I do, but also, no, I don't. I was sooooo tired!!! So knowing that I would think I was missing out if I didn't go, I decide to go for an hour.

Yeah, that turned into five! Once I got there, I got to meet some new people, learn about woot.com, and the perfect wolf to moon ratio. It was definitely worth the trip!

Now about that wardrobe situation:
It is now officially fall or "autumn" if you prefer the fancier word. However, it is still 80 degrees or more outside. This presents an interesting dilemma. Do I dress for fall and sweat like crazy? Or do I dress in summer clothes and look out of place wearing bright white and florals in September?

If you have the answer to this, please feel free to comment because I was so torn as to what to wear!!

I think I just wish the weather matched the season! But then again, it is Texas...

Corky

So I am sitting in a meeting and the man in charge of the meeting is talking in a delicate tone. His hair is nicely combed and he has a trimmed mustache. And he almost looks as if he put on a tinted moisturizer...and probably some tinted chapstick. I kept thinking..."he reminds me of someone"...and then it dawned on me.

Corky St. Clair.

For those who don't know who that is, I'm SO sorry that you have missed out on one of the funniest movies, "Waiting for Guffman". Corky is the community drama teacher in Blaine, MO who works to produce a musical for the Blaine sesquicentennial named "Red, White, and Blaine". Let's just say, it's all you imagined it could be...and more!

Favorite Lines:

"You can still feel the heat"

"I was shopping for my wife Bonnie, I buy most of her clothes..."

"I'm gonna BITE MY PILLOW, is what I'm gonna do"

"Everybody Dance!"

"I been workin' here at the D.Q. for about, um... eight months? Seven? I don't know, somethin' like that, it's fun. Just do the cones... make sundaes, make Blizzards, 'n... put stuff on 'em, 'n... see a lot of people come in, a lot of people come to the D.Q... burgers... ice cream... anything, you know? Cokes... just drive in and get a Coke, if you're thirsty."

When Did I Start Becoming...

My mother!!

I am turning into her so much now. I've said before how I used to tease her for crying while watching the Oprah show. This past weekend my mom, me, my friend, and her mom all went to the movies to see "The Time Traveler's Wife". At the end of the movie I look over at my friend, and both of us were crying full on tears. I looked over at my mom and she barely had any tears in her eyes!

It's like we switched places! I used to be able to hold it all in, I'd feel that knot creep up in my throat and I was very good and shoving it back down. I wouldn't even let a drop of tear fall from my eye. And something happened within the past couple years that I just can't hold it in anymore.

So here I am watching "The Biggest Loser" premiere tonight. And I just can't hold it in anymore! I'm such a sap!

So I guess from now on, I just need to make sure to watch this show with a box of kleenex...

That's right...I keep a diary.

So I watched a show that mentioned journals and it got me thinking...when did a "diary" become a "journal". I mean, really, what's the difference? Both are for venting and reflecting and remembering. And I actually took the time to look it up, cause yes, my life is that boring...and low and behold!! They have the same definition!

I think people just like to say journal, because you think a diary is the book covered in pink crushed velvet and feathers with the words "Diva" in purple writing scrawled on the cover. You think it's the book that you took your gel roll sparkle pen and wrote "I <3 JH" or "Jim Halpert + Hannah = Love".

But it isn't really that...I mean, it was. In 8th grade. Or 6th grade, maybe.

But now my diary or "journal" is just a simple book with lined pages (and sometimes unlined) that I write my thoughts in, and my prayers in. Of course, due to the many crazed sitcom episodes that have centered the conflict around diary secrets that have been divulged, I do not typically write down names...other than my own, of course. Or not really my own name...cause I don't write in third person, so why would I write my own name down...but you get the picture!

Some Excitement

Short explanation about last post:
Ok, I hope you all know that this blog helps me to vent majorly!! So I will often post things about my feelings. And FYI-I'm pretty sure I'm shaping up to be just like my mom. I used to make fun of her for crying while watching Oprah and silly things like that. I didn't get it...it's like my body didn't even make tears before college!

Now, I am happy to say that I am turning out much like her. I cry at silly things, TV shows (The Biggest Loser gets me EVERY time!), sappy commercials, etc.

Anyway, so this here blog helps me to vent out some things that I need to say, to whoever is out there reading.

But now for a little happiness and excitement!!

My school is ranked #1 in the area for football!!!

If you know me at all, you know I LOVE football!! I have an unhealthy obsession with it, especially since I am a girl, but I just love this sport!

I was working this summer and two of the ladies I work for had mentioned football and one said, "I just don't see how a girl likes football." And I was taken aback!

"What's not to love!!" I said. "The ball is spiraled into the air and the guy leaps into the air and snatches it for a touchdown. The hitting, the sound of the helmets crushing together!! What's not to love!!"

I LOVE this sport!!

So here we are...ranked #1 in the area! Last year we made it all the way to the State Semi-Final and lost. :( Here's hoping that this year we make it all the way to state!!

Semester Life

So here I am sitting at the end of week two of school. It already feels like we've been at it for a while, which maybe means that this semester will go by quickly? It's kind of weird that for the past 21 years or so my life has been measured by semesters. From grade school, to high school, to college, and now teaching. Of course I've worked summers since probably my senior year of high school, but it's still interesting to me.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe metaphorically my life will be split into semesters. And this is going to sound VERY melodramatic...but that's ok. Maybe my life now is Fall, the beginning, the start. And then I'm hoping, one day to get married and that will be my spring! The spring is vibrant, new, and represents growth. I kind of can't wait for spring...in that sense.

I could certainly sit here and write a LONG pity party story about my life in singledom. But I'll try to keep it to somewhat of a minimum...somewhat... I think the real thing is that I see my friends, who I love so very much, and I see them with their husbands. I see them so happy, joyful with their husbands, the way they can lean on each other, and the way they can count on the other one to be there.

This past Sunday a group of us had lunch together and the men came. So there we all were together and it was wonderful!!! Except there was an empty seat next to me. I guess I feel like I'm missing out. I want so badly to have a wonderful, Godly relationship, like the ones I see at the table before me. I want to be able to join in on the conversations about house shopping and babies, and all that stuff.

I think the difference between me now and a few years ago (since I'm still single), is that I WANT all these things. I think before I wanted them, but I knew I was in no hurry. Now, it's changed. I want those things now, right now.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only out there praying for these things for myself, and you know what, I think that's ok. Cause my God is a big God who does wonderful things and he will give to me as he sees fit. And it's not easy all the time, but at least he's blessed me with wonderful examples in the mean time, my parents, my siblings, and my friends. I am VERY blessed to have them all in my life.

Tomorrow

Is the first day of school. Though at year three I'm not as nervous, I still get a little nervous in front of the kids. I want them to like me, I want to like them. I want them to listen to me, respect me, and I want to do the same for them. I don't know what it is yet that makes those special teachers special. I know for me, I most remember the ones who were knowledgeable, kind, and funny. I hope to be the same!

*Updated* Lies I Want To Be True...

1. Buying clothes a size bigger will make me look smaller.

2. He asked for my number because he likes me, not because he was being nice.

*3. I adapt to change well.*

*4. I know exactly what I am doing.*

Nada...

Did you ever write out a whole blog post and then decide it's crap? I think I do this about three times per blog post..or however you would say that. I had a recent run in with a lizard in my apartment, and my friend told me that I should write a story about a girl who is afraid of lizards and what not...so I did. I wrote a blog post about my lizard story. Crap. It was crap. Not that this is much better. I guess I just keep waiting on my story. I don't know what it will be yet, but I want so desperately to find it and begin on it. Sometimes I think the story could be me. But what's exciting about a single mid-twenties girl who has a fairly uneventful social life and zero romantic life?? Not much, I would think. So I'll keep posting and eventually, hopefully, I will find my story. And then, I will get published!! And then, I will have book signings in wonderful places like New York and London!! And I'll get to stay in fancy hotels and order ridiculously overpriced room service!! And then I'll finally have the money to buy that yacht I always wanted! And there I'll be on my yacht in the Mediterranean waving to Beyonce and Jay Z in the yacht next door...ahh...the life!!

...I'm SUCH a dreamer!

Taking It Back to the Old School

I think it's funny that I still have the following school girl gossip conversations with friends (paraphrased, of course):

Me: So did she say anything about me?
Friend: No, just that you were nice...
Me: Yeah, right. Did you say anything about him?
Friend: Just that I knew him, I asked if he was still in town.
Me: Did she mention anything about me and him, like say that I was the one who was hopelessly flirting with him last time?
Friend: False.
Me: Or that I was an idiot to think he'd like me back?
Friend: False.
Me: So basically you're telling me that you didn't find any good information out?
Friend: Um, yeah.
Me: Thanks...

Of course the funniest part of this is that it IS a bit like middle school. And if I remember right, middle school wasn't exactly my finest moment. I definitely had one particular crush who TO THIS DAY I have not lived down. Though I was over him by high school, people ALWAYS liked to bring him up to me...

Sample conversation in high school 11th grade math class (which he was in):
Boy: Hey remember in 8th grade when you liked _____?
Me: (face turning red) Uh, yeah, thanks.

Even now it still gets brought up...and I'm not sure why that is...

Is it because while on yearbook staff I wrote "Hannah loves _____" on one of the pages in our school yearbook that was PUBLISHED and handed out to the ENTIRE school?
Maybe.

Is it because I continually professed my "love" for him through written letters and poetry?
It's possible.

Or is it because that particular year completely screwed me up and I haven't acted the same around boys since, which might be a good thing (see "poetry" mention above)?
Could be, could be.

Well, look at the bright side...at least now, MANY years later, I can laugh at myself, I have funny stories to tell my kids (should I ever get married and have any), and I can thank the Lord above that I did not end up with him (surprised to hear that, I'm sure).

Though sometimes (ok, ALL the time) I do wish the Lord would have stopped me before that yearbook note got published...and maybe before the poetry...yes...yes, definitely before the poetry....

Changes

Funny thing, change. Sometimes it happens so subtly, you don't even notice. Like the way I subtly gained twenty pounds since I graduated high school, or how the tone of my skin has ever so slowly gotten a smidgen darker each time I step into the sun. Then there are other kinds of change. The ones that happen so quickly, you don't have much time to react. Like the birth of a child, in one day your life has changed forever. Or a car accident that totals your car. In a split second, everything changed. Now you need a new car, your plans for that little bit of savings you had have gone completely out the window.

But I think the kind of change I dislike the most, is the one that happens slowly before your eyes, but you can't do anything to stop it. Like how you begin to hang out with a friend less and less, until you aren't really friends anymore. Or how you are slowly worked out of the loop because you don't exactly fit in with the group anymore. Your career is different maybe, or you aren't in a serious relationship the way they are. That's the kind of change I don't really like.

I only am writing this because I am anticipating a lot of change in the next year. It's funny how lately it seems my life works in groupings of two to three years. And then, transition. For example, I went to a junior college to dance for two years. So for two years, I knew exactly what I was doing, I had it all down to an art. Then came time to transition to a university. As I worked to complete the next three years of college (yeah, I took the Victory Lap), I knew more or less what each year held. My schedule was similar, I was involved in an organization, I danced, I just was in a great routine.

Then came graduation...after graduation I hit a year of limbo. I didn't have a full time job and I wondered if I would ever get one. I had planned to live out my dream job, but had to settle for what I could get. Finally, after a year of transition, I got a full time job. I'm now going into my third year there. But somehow this year feels like a transitional year. I feel like there are big changes coming. I know they will come in one of the three ways. Some will happen slowly without my knowledge, some will happen swiftly...in the blink of an eye, and then there will be those that I can see happening right in front of me, but can't seem to stop.

It's an interesting thing...change...here's hoping it's all for the better!

More...

So you may not know, but this blog really originated with one that I began back in 2005, back in the days when I was young and carefree (sigh). Since I don't really feel like copying and pasting, here is the address to my old blog. You too can read and reminisce about the good old days. The days when I probably had a little more creativity and humor in my life...

http://texhannah.blog.com

Note that the address is extremely similar to this one, yet different...

She's Got Skills...

While I have always professed my ineptness in the art of flirting and such, I recently had the chance to show my good friend exactly how terrible I am at the whole thing. We were out shopping, just looking around when we walked into a very nice jewelry store. I was dreaming of diamonds and they were having a sale, so I thought I'd take a look. As I gazed longingly at the scintillating diamond earrings, the salesman walked up. Only he was a younger guy, obviously near our age, tall, darker hair, and eager to please it seemed.

He showed off a few of the earrings to me, going for his sale, but clearly attempting to flirt with us. He asked where we went to school, assuming we were still in school. I think he was somewhat surprised to learn that we had already graduated and had full time jobs. The earrings, alas, were not in my price range, so I sighed a goodbye to them and went about browsing other items in the store.
"You can just get your boyfriend to buy them for you," he said.
And with that one remark, my friend said, "She doesn't have one, we're looking though!"

Oh. my. gosh. Are you kidding me?!? I can't believe she just told him that. I tried to pretend I was looking away at some fabulous jewels as my face flushed red. I kind of wanted to crawl into a hole, just a bit. I wasn't sure what to say and with each question he had to start a conversation, I just had one word answers to reply. I wasn't exactly interested in this guy, so maybe that's why I couldn't flirt back. But also, I just didn't have anything to say. I couldn't think of any questions, there wasn't anything there!

When we left the store, my friend looked at me like I was crazy. "Hannah! He was totally hitting on you! Why didn't you flirt back?!" Um. Yeah. So here it is.

Dear Friends,
I have absolutely NO skill in the art of flirting. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not lying (I wish I was). And I'm not kidding. While I try to pass it off as endearing, I realize that in actuality it's not endearing, it's just. plain. sad.

Thanks,
Hannah

The Fourth

If we were talking favorite holidays, I'd have to say that hands down, Christmas is my favorite. But next to Christmas, I'd have to pick July 4th.

I love July 4th!! I love cooking out, hitting up the pool or lake, and then enjoying some fireworks. Of course, as posted earlier, I love fireworks.

So happy birthday America!! I am happy to celebrate our independence and pray that our freedoms will live on! Here is a picture of my festive outfit, July 4, 2008 (note the USA chair, American flag, red and white striped top with navy shorts...oh yeah! lookin' good!). I can only hope that this year's outfit will be just as festive!!

Happy Fourth of July everyone!!!

Megachurch and Me

Alright, get ready for a serious blog post...I recently read an article talking about the number of "megachurches" in the United States. In the article, it defines a megachurch as Protestant churches with more than 2,000 people attending each week. In 2005, Texas had 157 megachurches. Authors of the book, Beyond Megachurch Myths: What We Can Learn From America's Largest Churches, Scott Thumma and Dave Travis say that, "Americans have not only grown accustomed to large organizations, but they have even had their character and tastes shaped by them."

In addition to this, they have found the average age of attendees is 40, compared with 53 in other churches. About one third of attendees are single, compared with an average of 10% at other churches.

So with just this information, here is my thought. And I'm not exactly sure how eloquently I will be able to deliver it...

Have megachurches grown because upcoming generations are mastering the art of being disconnected? This is what I mean: The younger generations (including my own), have grown up in the popularity of cell phones, and the internet. Instead of calling someone, we text them. Instead of visiting a friend, I check their facebook status. We've grown so accustomed to being disconnected. Here is where the megachurch comes into play...

In many of these churches, in order to truly be plugged in, you have to take the time to join some kind of a home group. This is usually your accountability, or your accountability is within your home group. Home groups can take on all shapes and sizes, all women, all men, married couples, singles, young, old, and the in between. However, though the numbers are not mentioned in the article I read, I would guess that the majority of the megachurch attendees are not even in a home group. If not the majority, I would guess close to majority. Why is that? Because we are masters at being disconnected.

We are a contradictory people. We say that we crave relationship and love, yet we won't step outside of our comfort zone to search it out within the avenues designed specifically for us...like home groups. We say we want close fellowship, yet we attend churches of 2,000 people and more. You would think it would be the opposite.

Now, I know there are MANY reasons that people attend "megachurches". According to these definitions, I attend a megachurch. I love my church. I love what it is about (Jesus) and I have joined a home group. But I have noticed that it is harder to create deep relationships. I have been lucky to start some relationships that I believe will develop and grow deep. My only hope is that others will find the same.

I don't know if any of this makes sense or if anyone is following my train of thought. I just found it interesting that megachurches are growing while our ability to have personal contact/relationship is dying.

Ideas...

Ideas on other craft projects:

1. Frames (check.)
2. Wall crosses
3. Fleur de lis
4. Pencil cups (check.)
5. Other desk accessories...

Feel free to add other ideas of what you would like to see!!

Summatime!

A small list of some of the greatness that is summertime.

1. Lemonade stands-went by two little boys today who were selling lemonade, popcorn, and cookies. Couldn't resist. I busted a U-ey and bought some lemonade. To make the purchase even better...it was pink!

2. Snow cones-the best stand is in Tyler on 5th Street near the TJC campus...Bahama Mama is the best flavor.

3. Pool time-I still enjoy flipping my hair out of the water just like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. And I sometimes pretend to swim like a dolphin...and who doesn't love a good cannon ball?

4. Fireworks-I LOVE fireworks...to the point that I still "Ooo" and "Ahh", while clapping. Now you can see them every Friday over Grapevine Lake or on Friday night games at the Rangers ballpark...which brings me to...

5. Ranger games-though it feels like it's 1000 degrees out there, there is nothing quite like a dollar hot dog at the ballpark on dollar hot dog night. There's nothing like singing "Deep in the Heart of Texas", doing the wave (yes, I think it's fun), and of course a rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in the seventh inning stretch. Good 'ol American fun, good 'ol Texas fun.

6. Sunscreen-I love the smell. I love the way your skin feels after being in the sun all day with sunscreen on. I know, that's kind of gross, but it's the epitome of summer.

7. Floating the River-managed to float the Comal almost every summer for the past three or four years. Although, I must admit, I do it the girly way in an inflatable canoe. No, it's not the traditional way of floating the river, but at least my rear end doesn't get slammed into the nice pointy rocks below the surface.

8. No School!!!-need I say more? School's out for Summer! Woohoo!!

9. Summer nights-It's still hot, but sometimes with a light breeze. And it's great to open up the moon roof and gaze out at the stars and the moonlight...or what stars you can see from the city.

10. Happy Hour at Sonic-no, it's not just in the summertime, but it's in the summertime that Happy Hour is best enjoyed. Who doesn't love a 50 cent Cherry Limeade in the heat of the day??

Feel free to add your own...

Success!

Here is my first completed frame! Yay!

Create!

My bff and I have ventured out on a new job possibility. We decided to make some items that we can sell, possibly at craft fairs and such. I have posted a frame that I made. This is not the finished product. I added an orange bow later. Once it's all done and has a picture in it, I'll try to remember to post it up again...

What I'm praying for...

I feel right now that everywhere around me people are having babies. It's like two years ago when everyone was getting married. Now they're getting married and having babies. Needless to say, I feel a little behind here. And a little jealous. Ok. A lot jealous.
I know these desires in my heart for marriage and family are ok and God-given, but then I wonder at what point does it go from desire to jealousy?
And then I wonder how to pray for these things. I don't know how to pray for a husband. I just know that my heart wants a God-fearing, Jesus-loving, Spirit-filled man to love me, and I want to love him. I want to share life with him. I don't know how to pray for that. And so lately, it's just been this, "Lord, I pray for a husband."
I don't know if that's right or wrong, if there is a right way or wrong way, but that's kind of it.
Oh, and I'm not sure if this is allowed either, but I pray one more thing..."soon".

SYTYCD

Last night I watched the premiere of "So You Think You Can Dance". I think the best part about it is watching all the amazing talent. Many times, the judges get emotional, and I totally get that. I get the excitement and the joy in watching someone dance with beautiful lines and expressive emotion. I get their reactions because I am a dancer.

I will NEVER be good enough to be a professional or to be on a show like that, but I am a dancer. I know this because every part of me feels the need to dance all the time. When I'm walking down an empty hallway, I want to skip, chasse, and leap through it, not just walk. When I find mirrors, I want to practice my pirouettes in front of them and take a look at my arabesque. I have to dance.

So knowing that I will never be a professional and knowing that my technique will always be lacking, watching someone execute moves perfectly, gracefully, and correctly is a VERY beautiful thing to me. I appreciate the talent. I appreciate the love, the heart, the passion for dance, because I get it.

I know a lot of people don't get it, I'm kind of the "weird" one in the family because I feel this way about an art form. But I think that's why I love it, it's an art. It's expression. It's the only art where your only instrument is yourself. Painters need brushes, musicians need instruments, sculptors need clay, dancers just need themselves.

So thank you for a show like SYTYCD, cause it reminds me of my true passion, dancing. It reminds me that even though I might not be a professional, I am still a dancer.

Woman of the Word

I am listening to a podcast by Kelly Matte, who recently spoke at All Women's Breakaway at Texas A&M.

I went to Texas A&M for three years, but barely went to Breakaway. I'm not exactly sure why that is, I know I had late dance rehearsals on Tuesday nights, the same nights as Breakaway, and I'm sure that was the excuse I used not to go.

In part of her podcast she talks about being women of the word. I've thought a lot about this lately, the Lord has been bringing this up with me in many ways, church sermons, small group, and now, podcast.

But what exactly does that mean? How do I become a woman of the word? Do I simply memorize scripture? I don't think so. Do I just read? I don't think so either. I think it is a combination of reading, studying, memorizing, meditating, etc.

The problem is, I'm not much of a studier. I am a lucky person who usually has a great short term memory. I am also very visual. So when it came to college, I actually spent very little time studying. I could just read the text and remember where information was on the page the next day for the test. Ask me about it a month later, and I probably couldn't tell you much about it.
So how do I go about studying the word?

What about meditation? I'm not exactly a pro at that either. I imagine myself sitting Indian-style with my fingers curled on top of my knees, Bible laid out before me, quietly repeating scripture. Is this what meditation looks like?

And what about memorization? I'm great at short term...long term however, not as good. Will I remember something months from now, years from now.

And more importantly, how do I really absorb His words? I can read Romans 12:2, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I believe it very much, but how do I live it? How do I keep renewing my mind?

These are my thoughts, my struggles, my prayers. I want to be a woman of the Word. I want to be noticeably His.

This is my prayer, Romans 12:1-2 "¹Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual^a]">[a] act of worship. ²Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

O-h-i-o

This past weekend I got to go to Dayton, OH to visit my mom's side of the family. I was born and raised in Texas and this was only the third time for me to visit, the last time being about 14 years ago when I was 12.

Getting up there was a bit of a trip. My mom and sister headed up a couple days earlier, so it was just me headed up on Friday. I was thinking I was so clever, I had managed to get all my stuff in two small bags that I packed at 11pm the night before.

As soon as I showed up at the airport and got in line for security, I noticed something that I should have taken note of before. I had packed ALL of my full size toiletries. Full size shampoo, full size toothpaste, full size soap, full size hairspray...everything. This does not exactly go well with the semi-new 3 oz. carry-on rule. So there I was re-arranging all my luggage so that I could check one of the bags....which turned out to cost me $15!

So finally I have my bag checked and I'm going through security, only to be stopped for forgetting to bag a few makeup type items. Board plane, sit for 20 minutes, we taxi out...a minute later captain says we have to taxi back in....

So we taxi back in for mechanical stuff (AC wasn't working), everyone gets off plane, I buy candy bar, go to RR, then we all board. Flight to Dayton....take 2!

I finally made it! 2 hours later!

More about the rest of the trip later, but it was so great to be there and to be around family. I think the best part of it all is how I feel welcomed and so loved around them all when we barely get to spend time together or see each other. My aunts are loving, my uncles are so good to love on me, and my cousins act like we've been there all along. That is the best feeling of all I think, that when I walk in, I feel like family and not like a foreigner....when, let's face it, being from Texas, I kind of am one up there!

Dear Sir...

Pardon my inquiry, but what in your right mind makes you think it is appropriate to still be pulling up your zipper as you exit the bathroom? All that tells me is that you didn't wash your hands!

Please complete zipper raise while still inside the restroom and then follow with a gentle wash of the hands.

Thank you.

Hannah

The List

For whatever reason I've been seeing references to Hawaii all over the place. I turn on the TV, there's a movie on set in Hawaii. I check my facebook, someone has pictures up from Hawaii. Going to a wedding reception next weekend for my cousin who just got married in Hawaii. I have a pretty extensive list of places that I want to visit...and Hawaii is definitely on the list. But I think with all I've been seeing, it's jumped up a few spots. Here is my list of places, in somewhat of an order, but let's be honest, I'd be more than thrilled to visit any of these places at any time!

By Country and/or City:
1. Venice
2. Mykonos
3. Amsterdam
4. Hawaii
5. Kenya
6. South Africa
7. Sydney, Australia
8. New Zealand
9. Chicago
10. Washington, DC
11. Las Vegas
12. Fiji
13. Monaco
14. Cairo
15. Jerusalem
16. Barcelona
17. Lisbon
18. Dublin
19. Edinburgh
20.Berlin
This is just a starter list....

Here's a list of where I've been thus far:
1. New York City
2. Quijing, China
3. Beijing, China
4. London, England
5. Tour of England, including Bath, Cotswolds, Stonehenge, Oxford, Brighton, Canterbury, and Dover.
6. Paris, France (and Versailles)
7. Rome, Italy
8. Cozumel, Mexico (on a cruise excursion...if that counts)

Hopefully this summer I will get to add on to the bottom list!! :)

The "One"

So this week I am off work (woohoo!) and I am watching lots of movies. Right now I am watching "Ever After", the Cinderella spinoff starring Drew Barrymore. The prince character is debating with Leonardo da Vinci (I don't really recall him in my Disney version of Cinderella...) about whether or not there is only ONE person for everyone.

This is interesting to me because it brings up the idea of soul mates and whether or not they actually exist. I think that I believe in a version of soul mates. I believe that there is someone that God has placed on this earth for you. Of course then that opens the whole debate between pre-destination and free will. Did God choose your mate? Did you choose your mate? I don't know exactly how it all works, especially since I believe the Bible and the Bible says that God knows all and it says that we are free. When you get into to all the debates it becomes cloudy and confusing.

I think that I just believe this: that God is in control. I believe that I should be praying for the man that I will hopefully one day marry. And I believe that when I enter into a relationship, as long as I seek the Lord, he will show me if this relationship is blessed by Him or not. I don't know what it's like to be "in love", so I rely on the Lord to let me know. I don't really know if that is considered "soul mates" or not, but it's all I've got at this point.

Hannah needs...

So, I decided to play a little game that my friend Jana told me about. Rules: Type in "(Your name) needs" into google.com and then post the top 10 entries that show up. These are my results:

1. Hannah needs a shave
2. Hannah needs some alone time
3. Hannah needs to go into the tunnel and face the prisoner (?)
4. Hannah needs a hug
5. Hannah needs a boyfriend
6. Hannah needs to prioritize her most expensive debt first and get rid of it
7. Hannah needs a kick in the pants
8. Hannah needs a laptop
9. Hannah needs a fella
10. Hannah needs help

Can I get an amen on #'s 5, 6, and 9?
Thanks and Gig 'em.

Music of the Heart

I don't know about you all, but for me, when it comes to musicians, forget guitars, I'm into pianos. Give me Beethoven over Clapton any day! I think it dates back to elementary school when I had a crush on *Nate Pearson*. Nate was a third grade genius who played the piano. He had brown hair, glasses, kind of nerdy, Harry Potter-ish if you will. And yet I found him so interesting as a young girl. I distinctly remember going to Mrs. Lhuillier's music class (we pronounced it Low-wheel-yur, very different from the pronunciation of say, Monique Lhuillier, pronounced Loo-lee-yay, which is probably more correct) and she would ask him to play the piano for the class. So we'd all sit Indian style on the rough carpet as he would pull the bench in towards the piano and then bust out Beethoven's "Fur Elise". For some reason those memories stick out in my head from third grade music class...that, and dancing like fools to the Beach Boys "Kokomo". It's amazing what you remember...

Anyway, all this to say, even since then, the piano spoke to me, unlike any other instrument. Something about the way the music flows together and yet is still so distinct. The range of possibilities on the piano has to be significantly more than that of other instruments, you have 88 keys to work with! I think there is also something sophisticated about the piano that I am drawn to, though I don't know why that is. All I know is that the music is beautiful and if there is a nice looking man playing...all the better!!

Beginnings...

I got a new laptop and I'm extremely excited to use it. To go with my new laptop, I also received a free paid vacation due to the swine flu. Awesome.